age 0-2

[These are select bits from journal entries.] 2005. Dec. After years of practicing efficiency, I believe I can finally have one child and not disrupt my entire life, sink into chaos. The structure I have created is comforting, and it [structure] is good for children too. It is not so rigid though, as to become stifling or boring. Mario says maybe he can do better this time and raise a daughter who will love and respect him. He is so playful, has so much love and knowledge to give. He hopes for her that she is kind and that she remember her ancestors and her background. [In this journal I then list all of my wishes for her future].  

[newborn] 2006. Mar 3. I decided to just let her sleep on my chest where she was comfortable. It was so nice just to hold and sleep with her next to my skin, where she could sleep on her stomach. I had wanted to follow the official recommendations to reduce risk of SIDS, but neither of us sleeps [with her in the bedside bassinet, because she kept seeming to not breathe right, after multiple attempts to get her to sleep on her back]. …She is so precious to me. If she died now I feel it would still have been worth it, this discomfort and bodily wear of pregnancy and pain of labor, just to have held my sweet baby now. …After moving to our new house, it took me 2 months before I found this journal. At two months old… Mom visited and just loved her instantly, got her to smile for the first time.  Nov. 9. She loves music ... Sometimes only singing or music quiets her. …[with the church congregation] she waved her arms when the chorister led, and made loud multi-toned yells, sort of like singing…. She only crawls backwards, getting further from what she wants. Dec 30. Learned to crawl forward…I'm sure I delayed her progress by never letting her on the floor. Floor germs! Parasites!

2007. Jan. She is still good natured and happy….She knows she's not supposed to eat things she finds on the floor. She looks to see if I'm watching before she puts them in her mouth. She gets bored if I have a song on repeat. February 26. She patted me on the back as I patted her back. April 9. She still likes lids, putting them on and taking them off. ...She seems to be over the stranger anxiety. I keep finding things in unexpected places [sock in the band aid box]. Apr 18. She snatches things out of the cats’ claws, which is impressive … April 25. I've gotten over my floor germ aversion. July 4. She keeps provoking the cats then cries when she gets scratched. July 22. She does a stepping dance when she's excited. She didn't want to leave the room until she had shut the drawer she had opened. August 26. She warmed up quickly to Bella [adult sister] who is here for the weekend to visit her. She loved walking between us and being swung in the air…. She kept Bella  busy pulling off single flowers for her, so she could carry one in each hand continually. Sep 18. She has several fears. She insists on me holding her and runs to me when I use the blender or let pressure out of the pressure cooker. She was terrified—screamed and flailed her arms—when the grain grinder (I was trying to fix) spit dust at her as it turned on suddenly. She was very concerned about a spider and kept watching it, pointing and trying to get my attention. I ignore spiders, so it's not a fear learned from me. She got over her months-long fear of baths as I took her gently into a bath with me in a shallow tub. Now she's back to splash and play. Papi had traumatized her by pouring water on her head and forceful bathing. For months she'd scream and hold herself straight and rigid to avoid a sink bath. 

She uses her mad face a lot now, like when I give her potatoes instead of the chocolate from the cupboard she's pointing at. Oct 18. at the [church] party someone asked what Maya was dressed as. I said she's dressed as a naughty little girl who wouldn't eat her dinner and stabbed her mother in the forehead with a fork. She has been such a picky eater lately, but I don't believe it's healthy to make a big issue of it. I just keep trying to offer her healthy foods and she'll eat when she's hungry. October 30. She's starting to get into the I-can-do-it-myself mode. She loves to run, especially with other kids or when I chase her. Nov 2. I awoke to a pretty face two inches from mine saying “Mama” ... Then I got a little finger poking into my eye and a little fist pulling my hair. Nov 8. I still wasn't sure she recognized herself in the mirror so I used the rouge test. She passed. ... She dislikes seeing bugs or spots on the carpet, or fuzzys. She dislikes things out of place and has a peculiar little shriek for when she sees the cat in a cupboard ... She's got a temper and hits and puts out her pouting lip when she's mad. She already makes up her own games. Dec 27. She put a piece of trash in the trash can. Because she likes animals so much Mario did an art project with her, looking through magazines to cut and paste a page of dogs and another of cats. Jan 2008. I put on her cotton hat to keep her warm after her bath. She keeps insisting that I wear one as well, protesting with shrieks when I removed mine. ... Jan. 21 we had to get her bangs, because she pulls out any barrette or elastic. She's very concerned about ownership of her doll and my book today ... She goes to daycare without a fuss. She says “Mama bye” and waves.  April 17. Maya was so excited to see her “Tata;” She squealed with glee. April 23. Maya loves butter. She took the whole box out of the fridge and took a stick out. When I told her to give it to me, she handed me the box but kept the stick behind her back.